“No” is a Complete Sentence

I was out for lunch with a colleague one day, and we got talking about my past work experience. This conversation led me to relive a recent experience that had been terrible. To cut the long story short, a particular question has been ringing in my head since then: "Why didn’t you just say NO?"

Had I said "no" in the first place, my life would not have looked like the "A Day in a Boundaryless Life" described by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend in the first chapter of their book, "Boundaries." I wouldn’t have found myself dreading each day, grabbing coffee every day, playing janitor, acting as a personal assistant, and even becoming a math tutor for an employee’s nephew—mind you, I failed math in high school! 😂 All of these tasks were completely outside my job description, and yet there I was, doing them because I didn’t set boundaries.

Understanding Boundaries

Boundaries are often easier to talk about than to implement, especially when the pressure to please others or to perform well is high. But they are critical to both personal and professional well-being.

Personal Boundaries: The Key to Self-Respect

In our personal lives, boundaries help maintain our self-respect and ensure our emotional well-being is protected. They allow us to engage in relationships that are balanced and healthy, without sacrificing ourselves.

1. Emotional Boundaries

Sometimes, we take on the emotional weight of others without even realizing it. For instance, if a friend constantly offloads their problems onto you, it can become draining. Emotional boundaries are about knowing when to offer support and when to step back, so you don’t end up overwhelmed by someone else’s issues.

2. Time Boundaries

Time is a precious resource, and without boundaries, you can easily lose track of it. Have you ever agreed to something you didn’t really have time for, only to regret it later? Saying "no" to social or family events when you need rest or time to focus on your own priorities is a way of protecting your well-being.

Career Boundaries: Protecting Your Professional Life

In the workplace, boundaries can be even harder to enforce, especially when the fear of rejection or criticism looms large. But they are just as essential to prevent burnout and maintain a healthy professional life.

1. Work-Life Balance

It’s all too easy to let work spill over into your personal time—especially with remote work and constant connectivity. I remember receiving emails late at night and feeling obligated to respond right away. Looking back, that was a clear sign I had no work-life balance. Establishing clear "off hours" where you don’t check your work email or answer work calls is crucial for maintaining mental health.

2. Learning to Say No

This is the part that really hits home for me. In the past, I found it difficult to say no to extra tasks or overtime, even when I wasn’t getting paid and already overwhelmed. Why? Because I was afraid of seeming lazy or uncommitted. But saying "no" when you’re at capacity is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of self-respect and professionalism. You can’t do your best work when you’re stretched too thin.

3. Communicating Boundaries

Clear communication with your manager and coworkers is key. Let them know when you’re available and when you’re not, and be firm about those limits. I was too afraid to do this, and it led to constant stress and frustration. But now I am

Learning to set expectations upfront, things have become much easier.

Conclusion

The honest truth is, I was scared—scared of being fired, scared of rejection, and scared of displeasing others. While some of you might not understand this, I know many of you will—and you're not alone. However, I want you to learn from my mistakes.

As Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend aptly put it, “We need to take responsibility for our choices. This leads to the fruit of ‘self-control’ (Galatians 5:23). A common boundary problem is disowning your choices and trying to lay the responsibility for them on someone else. We use phrases like ‘I had to’ or ‘She made me’ when explaining why we did or did not do something. These phrases betray our basic illusion that we are not active agents in many of our dealings. We think someone else is in control. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them and must live with their consequences. You are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with.”

Looking back, I can see how I was disowning my own choices, telling myself I "had to" do those tasks or that it wasn’t my place to say no. But the truth is, I had the power to make different decisions, and the consequences of not doing so were entirely mine to bear.

So, let’s learn to say "no" when it matters and take charge of our choices. After all, setting boundaries isn’t just about saying "no"—it’s about saying "yes" to a healthier, more balanced life.